INTRO: You (metaphorically) hold in your hands a mint slabbed-and-graded holofoil gatefold cover edition of Russell Taylor, Issue 0, wherein is recounted the secret origin of your friendly neighborhood...Russell
Mr. Toastmaster, perpetually distinguished guests, toastmasters and True Believers all, let us break the seal on this Astonishing Tale and turn to...
Act: The First
I. In which Our thrilling tale begins...
A. Cold, distant, dying world...Krypton! err, "New Joisey"
1. A young couple longs to flee this barren land for somewhere warm, where the sun might imbue their offspring with strength...and so they rocket off to Earth, uh, Texas...
B. Flight to Smallville...err, Buda,Texas
1. A small agrarian community, with a lifestyle of an earlier era...
C. Nothing More Powerful than a Locomotive!
1. It was there, living a block from the tracks that I began a love of science, inspired by the powerful Locomotives that rumbled by daily.
Act: The Second
II. In which our hero discovers his powers
A. Different from the other kids
1. Naive, asked about a certain F word the first day on the bus...
B. Faster than a Speeding Bullet!
1. But I was fast...fastest in 1st grade...but then I was labelled a
C. Mutant
1. Set apart, ridiculed, I embraced my nerdhood, and fly the geek flag high
Act: the Third
III. In which our hero moves to Metropo...uh, Austin
A. Mild-mannered College Student
1. Ever the nerd, I chose Astronomy...the broadest and most obscure field I could find...however
B. Kryptonite
1. My weakness followed me from Buda...although itmade me happy, it was the key to my undoing...distracted, I did poorly, and changed majors to something I knew I could handle...but still, we married, which was a brief and tumultuous affair, leading directly to my retreat to
C. Fortress of Solitude
1. AKA, my parent's home, to regroup and rediscover what I had lost. To many, I might as well have been dead.
Act: the Fourth
IV. In which our hero is Reborn
A. Not as dead as we thought...
1. If comics have taught me anything, it is that it's not death if there's no body...and even if there is, that's no guarantee. Mine of course, needed something to do...enter, First American
B. Partner in Crime(fighting)
1. I wasn't looking for another wife...in fact, I was expressly looking for NOT another wife. Nonetheless
C. The continuing Adventures
1. In astronomy, amateur this time, Geocaching, and cooking. Lots of cooking.
Be sure to pick up the next exciting issue. Excelcior!